It doesn’t quite hit you until you’re filling out yet another university open day form or helping them apply for part-time jobs, when suddenly it’s there, staring back at you in bold: this is your child’s last year as a minor. Raising a teen means moments like this, watching the little person who once clutched your hand in the primary school car park now borrow your clothes, use all your make-up, mutter something unintelligible before 10 am, and keep one foot already out the door.
As my teenager edges closer to their 18th birthday and applying for universities, I find myself caught in this strange in-between: part pride, part panic. Pride, because they’ve become someone thoughtful, funny, independent (when it suits), and full of their own opinions. Panic, because, honestly, wasn’t it just last week I was labelling school cardigans and carrying her book bag?
Now we’re talking about universities, personal statements, and student loans. I’m trying to play it cool, but my heart lurches every time they mention open days or moving out. They’re planning their future, which is precisely what I raised them to do, but no one really prepares you for how fast it all comes around.
The Myth of “Adulthood”
Turning 18 is a legal milestone, including voting, driving, working part-time, and university applications, but it doesn’t mean our kids suddenly have it all figured out. Honestly? Neither do most of us. But society tells them (and us) that adulthood begins now, and with it comes a landslide of expectations.
As a parent, it’s a strange shift. You go from making appointments and signing permission slips to watching them make their own decisions, some great, some questionable, and having to bite your tongue through most of it. There’s a grieving process here that no one talks about: grieving the phase of active parenting, the “mum knows best” years, and even the comfort of routine chaos.
Supporting Without Smothering
This phase requires a whole new parenting toolkit: less “fixer,” more “coach.” Less “Because I said so,” more “What do you think is the right move here?” It’s terrifying, especially when you can see a mistake looming a mile off. But letting them navigate those potholes is how they learn, and how we learn to let go.
I’ve found it helpful to frame my role as a guide, not a guard. Raising a teen has taught me that I can’t shield them from everything, but I can be their safety net, their sounding board, and, when needed, the voice of reason (even if they ignore it at first).
Celebrating the Milestone
As their birthday approaches, the mood in our house has been a mix of excitement, reflection, and a bit of tension. They’re thinking about freedom, independence, and what comes next. I’m thinking about how to savour these last few months before the legal cut-off, knowing full well that while parenthood doesn’t end at 18, the dynamic does shift.
We’re planning a celebration, not just for the birthday itself but for everything this next chapter represents. It will not be a “goodbye to childhood,” but a “welcome to your future.”
Letting Yourself Feel It All
To any other parent riding this wave: it’s okay to feel a little lost. Raising a teen comes with moments of doubt, pride, and unexpected emotion. It’s okay to cry in the supermarket because you saw the biscuits they used to love at five. It’s okay to worry and hope and replay every parenting moment like a highlight reel. And it’s okay to be proud of them and yourself for getting this far.
Because 18 is just the beginning. For them and us.
