Marriage is a beautiful thing and a special moment for potential couples. It is also the beginning of a thrilling lifelong journey with the person we love, and we should enjoy it to the fullest. However, before you and your partner decide to tie the knot and officially declare yourselves husband and wife, there are certain things you must do. Here are seven important things couples should do before getting married.
Before your mind wanders off, we aren’t referring to the typical preparations done before marriage, like getting a marriage license, personal wedding vows, or wedding dresses. Instead, we refer to things that will deepen and strengthen the bond between you and your partner and make your marriage smoother.
My husband and I will celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary this June. We’ve been together for over 24 years. Although this post discusses marriages, it can also apply to long-term relationships, moving in together, deciding to change your name by deed poll, or having a commitment ceremony. These ideas should help you maintain a happy and long-term relationship.
1. Have a healthy argument
Yes, you read that right! While this may seem counterintuitive, engaging in a healthy argument with your significant other can create depths of intimacy. It can also tell you what to expect when a similar situation breaks out when you get married.
Is your potential spouse the type to lose control when a minor disagreement arises? Does your partner resort to throwing or breaking things during a petty argument? If so, this could be a red flag when it comes to the stability of your relationship. Before taking the step into marriage, it’s crucial to understand how your partner handles conflict. One of the most important things couples should do before getting married is to openly discuss their communication styles and how they deal with disagreements—ensuring that both of you can navigate arguments calmly and respectfully will lay a strong foundation for a healthy, lasting marriage.
Remember, the goal of a healthy argument is to understand how your spouse reacts during an argument, stay calm, and work things out together.
2. Meeting the parents
Most couples introduce their partner to their family long before marriage is discussed. I found this one of the most nerve-wracking aspects of our relationship. It always seems so formal. I met my now-husband’s parents when I was 18, during a college project, but meeting over lunch, going for a walk, or anywhere else you feel comfortable will make you feel calmer about the situation.
You may decide not to introduce parents into your relationship until you see it as a long-term thing; this is okay. The truth is, meeting with the parents of a bride-to-be or groom-to-be can sometimes be unsettling, given there may be equality between both families. However, this shouldn’t stop you from meeting them, even if you aren’t planning on getting married for years to come.
Not every parent and spouse meeting plays out like those we watch in Ben Stiller movies. So, be optimistic. Prepare well, be confident, offer a small gift, centre the conversation on them, and avoid any form of distractions.
3. Live Together
Did you know that over three-quarters of couples married in 2017 (77%) lived together before tying the knot? For good reasons, not only does living together help mitigate the cost of living separately, but it is also arguably the best way to test your compatibility with each other.
Financially, we only lived together for six months before getting married; I would recommend doing at least a year, if not longer, as it is not as easy as you think. Suddenly, you are in charge of this property that needs your care and attention, and you must spend many more hours with your spouse.
While living together, you must study your partner. Note their likes and dislikes, habits (good and bad), reactions to certain things, night routine, favourite meals, and basically everything else that will help you understand your spouse better and determine if you are a good fit.
Those who cannot afford to live together due to distance or religious rules should consider spending weekends together. This will help strengthen their bond and determine whether they are a match.
4. Travel
After going on numerous exciting dates, movie nights, get-togethers, and sports events, it makes sense to consider travelling. By this, we don’t mean visiting a nearby town, scheduling a dinner night with a friend, or visiting your grandparents; we refer to a journey that takes you far from home, probably to a place close by or even the other side of the world.
When selecting captivating travel destinations, your options are limitless! There are loads of places to visit and have fun together. You can consider a trip to some of the best beaches in Grand Cayman or a fantastic island in the Maldives. Alternatively, you can consider camping trips, weekend getaways in rentals: anything that takes you away from your home and promises loads of fun is fine. Your choice of location should be based on your budget, and don’t overspend. Remember, you have a wedding to plan for!
5. Have The Money Talk
Before walking down the aisle, it’s essential for you and your significant other to have open and honest conversations about several key matters. One of the most crucial topics to address is money. What are your current financial standings? Do either of you have any unpaid debts, taxes, or other financial obligations? These are important questions that need to be discussed before you make a lifelong commitment. One of the key things couples should do before getting married is to exchange financial statements so that both of you have a clear understanding of each other’s financial situation. Talk about your salaries, how you’ll manage shared expenses, any family obligations you may have, and other long-term financial plans to ensure you’re both on the same page moving forward.
Money talk can be complicated and uncomfortable, but regardless, you need to sit down with your spouse and discuss it. The purpose of this meaningful conversation is to clearly understand each other’s financial situation and come up with solutions together.
6. Talk about kids
Another essential conversation you need to have with your potential spouse is about kids. Many potential spouses want to get married and have lovely kids, but you need to plan before that happens.
How many kids do you both want? What names would you prefer for your kids? Do you even want to have kids? Having children is a big commitment, not just personally but also financially. And remember, this commitment is life-long, so you both need to think hard before making decisions regarding kids.
If possible, talk to family and friends who are ready to get married and seek advice. Alternatively, you can go for premarital counseling, where you can receive guidance from a professional. When we decided to get married, we booked a church, and they ran a compulsory pre-marital course. I didn’t think it was worth giving up a Saturday for, but it was a way of getting couples talking and discussing important details before embarking on marriage. You’d be surprised how many couples are headed into marriage without discussing kids, money, or career goals.
7. Cut ties with your Exes
Are you still in contact with your ex? Do you find yourselves chatting or speaking frequently? Maintaining a relationship with an ex can create tension and harm your current relationship. If you want to avoid this, it’s important to consider cutting ties with all of your exes.
Cutting ties doesn’t mean turning them into enemies or being hostile if you happen to see them. You can still greet them politely and ask how they’re doing, but it’s important to set boundaries. You shouldn’t give them the same attention or emotional energy that you did when you were together, nor should you interact with them in the same way. They are now part of your past, and it’s crucial to focus on your current or future partner. One of the key things couples should do before getting married is to establish clear boundaries with exes to ensure their relationship remains strong and free from unnecessary distractions.
Conclusion
Marriage is a big step that shouldn’t be rushed. Before committing to a lifetime together, couples need to take time to solidify their bond, ensuring that the journey ahead is smooth, fulfilling, and filled with moments both partners will cherish and want to relive. We’ve already highlighted some important things couples should do before getting married. The next step, of course, involves the exciting wedding arrangements, which should be an enjoyable experience as well. By preparing thoughtfully and working together, you’ll set the stage for a happy and lasting marriage.